Their Classifieds
by Semaphora
Summary: These are the things they never wanted you to see. Complete stupidity; Scrubs style.
1. Caught in the Act

**DISCLAIMER and AUTHORS NOTE: **Scrubs is owned by Bill Lawrence and the ABC Network (as of Season 8). I am nobody, therefore I own nothing except an extremely overactive imagination. Honestly. It gets me in trouble sometimes. But moving onward. This installment is absolute, complete crack and forever will be, but I really felt that I needed to post it, if for nothing else but your amusement. Reviews are love.

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**I.**

Perry gasped at the incredible heat that surrounded him, struggling to keep his cool under its weight. He thrust almost involuntarily into the warmth, releasing a carnal growl when he was rewarded with a barrage of sensation, almost enough to drive him off the edge. His hands flew to grip the surface beneath him as his breath became labored and his personal limitations were tested mercilessly by the absolute pleasure that swept over him. He groaned—loud and unrestricted, unafraid of the consequences if anybody were to find him in such a compromising position. He heard his partner's voice, speaking softly, calling his name. Perry let his eyes flicker open, averting his gaze to their eyes. He sighed at the emotions that played out on their face, and raised a hand to his hair.

Jordan stared at him with absolute exasperation from her place at the door.

After a pregnant silence, the brunette shook her head, seemingly in disbelief.

"You enjoy those baths way too much, Per."

She disappeared with a wolfish grin. Perry put his head in his hands. He knew he wouldn't hear the end of this.

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**AUTHORS NOTE II: **Honestly. Don't ask. Comments are awesome, though.

-- _Exangeline._


	2. Hospitable Gossip

**DISCLAIMER and AUTHORS NOTE: **Scrubs is owned by Bill Lawrence and the ABC Network (as of Season 8). I am nobody, therefore I own nothing except an extremely overactive imagination. Honestly. It gets me in trouble sometimes. But moving onward. This next installment takes place relates directly to the last one, but takes place about a week later. The rest of the drabbles from here on out, though, will be stand-alones unless otherwise stated.

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**II.**

He didn't.

To give her some credit, Jordan was rather good at keeping her mouth shut when it mattered, but Perry knew it was only a matter of time before she told someone. Carla, perhaps, since the two of them had lunch together almost everyday—a fact that was beginning to grate on him. The Latina woman, after all, was not known for her discretion. If Jordan told Carla, the news would be all over _Sacred Heart_ in five minutes flat. There was, however, the far more terrifying prospect that Jordan may decide to confide in Newbie. He could only begin to imagine the consequences if she told JD of all people about his so called 'bathtub fetish'—he'd bet his right leg that Pricilla would try, at least once, to sway him into talking about the benefits of unisex shampoo.

Perry shuddered simply by thinking about it.

It turned out, however, that Jordan accosted neither Carla nor JD about her newfound knowledge. No, she chose someone infinitely worse, someone Perry had failed to consider.

Barbie.

It began innocently enough. They were sitting in the bar together, talking over drinks when Elliot mentioned she was having problems with Keith—problems of the bedroom variety. This small tidbit made the hell that was Perry's day seem almost worth it, if for no other reason but being able to mock Barbie for the rest of the month. However, when she came to Jordan asking for advice, his ex-wife simply replied: "Don't ask me, Stick, I've been refusing Perry all month, on account of his making love to the bathtub." When he turned to meet her gaze, Jordan's lips were tilted upward in a devilish smirk. "It gets more noise out of him then I do."

Everything pretty much went downhill after that.

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**AUTHORS NOTE II: **Again, I have little to no idea what I'm doing. Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. Feedback is much appreciated.

-- _Exangeline._


End file.
